“I” Snapped
"I" Snapped, "She" Snapped... the story from both my husbands and my points of view...
I was at my breaking point. I had told my husband what my father had said; my triggers had completely taken over my insides. I may have looked calm on the outside, but inside I was literally trembling. My husband said something that set me off and I was down the rabbit hole.
I do not remember all of it, I do remember crying for my mother on my bathroom floor. I remember begging my husband not to take me to the hospital. I remember stabbing myself in the wrist with a plug-in hard enough it was bruised for weeks. I remember pieces of the drive to the hospital. At one point calling my mother. The mother I for some reason thought I needed in that moment. She was dismissive as I cried on the phone. I hung it up and tossed it on the floor.
We walked into the mental hospital and they sent us to the ER across the street, because they didn’t have a crisis team staffed? We were there long enough that my cannabis had worn off and I was on day four of a Colitis flare. The pain was getting bad and my husband explained what was going on and they gave me IV nausea and pain medication via the port in my chest. My intake with the corresponding mental health facility was done via video chat. They asked me what my main concern was about going into the hospital and I voiced immediately that I was having a Colitis flare and I did not want trapped without any ability to curb the pain. She assured me repeatedly that this would not be an issue, that they understood my medical issues and would be on top of them. She assured me many times because I was insistent that this was a real fear. I was coping with cannabis, but I knew that wouldn’t be allowed inpatient and I would have to rely on narcotic pain medications to cope with the pain. I was so scared that my husband had a separate conversation with her to emphasize we couldn’t let this get out of control. With her promise that this would be dealt with immediately; I signed my life away.
My husband had to leave and left me there at the hospital waiting for transport to the facility across the street. When transport showed up a nurse came into my room to flush and remove my port. I was then escorted into the hallway where the security guard that was assigned to watch me handed my belongings to an older gentleman. He never looked at me or spoke, just grabbed my things and stormed off. “Sorry, just follow him,” my former guard stuttered at me. After he put me in the back of the car he got in and said, “you do realize I am literally driving you across the street, right?”
I apologized. He ranted throughout the short drive. Here I was on one of my worst days, in paper scrubs, in the back of a security car on my way to a mental health facility for inpatient care and I was apologizing for inconveniencing an on-duty security guard meant to keep me safe? That was my fresh hell. I thought.
Then I got to the hospital where they took me into a small room to ask me a series of questions. The nurses kept switching back and forth. They then had me change in front of them from my hospital issued paper scrubs to the new scrubs they wanted me to wear on their unit. I repeatedly told them what the coordinator on the phone had said about me seeing a doctor right away to get pain control established. The medication they gave me in the hospital was enough to last until morning, but that it would need to be kept on top of. If it gets out of control, I would be in a very scary situation and I knew that. They had no idea what I was talking about and informed me that I would not be seeing a doctor until morning. I then began to panic. They had lied.
I kept trying to explain to the nurses that the woman I had talked to was named Kriston and she worked there. That she had told me that the doctor would be completely aware of my medical issues and that I didn’t need to worry about anything. That is NOT what happened. Kriston, she was never to be seen or heard from again…My husband was never able to contact her again and, on the inside, I was not getting anywhere. I explained to these two nurses, that I needed to see the doctor ASAP in the morning. I explained pain was under control for time being, that wouldn’t last.
They walked me past a room with a television, coloring books, and half-finished puzzles on the table. Then directed me down a hallway and pointed out the lunch/classroom, then my room. A private room. They first good thing I had experienced since getting there. Then I was left for the night to cry myself to sleep.
I do remember making a phone call to my husband and that they had completely lied to us and taken advantage of us. That this “Kriston” does not even seem to be real human that works at the hospital or they all somehow forgot who she was? The doctor they promised I would see, not real. They also had zero idea what my pre-existing medical issues were. Even though they claimed they would have my charts and care for me appropriately.
The had dismissed me completely from the where I was standing. They lied to me to get me there, they got paid a crazy amount of money and they left me in a room in pain and unable to eat for three days. I was literally paying for a service, paying to get myself back on track and instead I got locked up and traumatized. In fact, as they rushed to discharge me on the last day of my 72- hour hold. Dr. Sehr apologized for traumatizing me! What they had done literally could not be explained away.
This is not to be mean to the coordinator name Kriston, with an O. Or to go after Dr. Sehr. This is a real and dangerous issue. The above blog, it is just the breakdown and the first night. The people that I met, the things I saw, those people needed a voice. They needed a fiercely protective husband on the phone all day screaming at everyone he can to get me the care I was supposed to get. They needed what I had, and even then, that wasn’t even enough for me.
Stay tuned…The Stay is coming up next.
“She” Snapped (my husbands experience)
I was supposed to start my two-week rotation on nights the day Manda snapped. She started to lose it in the car, and I didn’t really understand why or what it was about; but she was pissed. She repeatedly told my she was done with everything. We parked in our driveway and I went in the house. She sat out in the car for awhile by herself. When she finally did come inside, she told me she was going to go see her mother and grabbed a suitcase.
This didn’t make sense and I knew it was a bad idea on several levels. One, her parents were the main reason she was melting down and driving 12 hours to see them would have made it worse. Two, we were having problems with her car so she said she was going to take my pickup which would have left me home with four kids and no vehicle. It was nonsense.
She then went into the bathroom and started to gather her toothbrush and essentials. I grabbed her just to hold her and explain that I didn’t think seeing her mom was a good idea. She then fell to the ground and started crying. She started slamming her arm in a cabinet door, I told her I needed to take her to a mental hospital. This was out of control.
Manda refused and I told her that they would help her, I promised her I would make sure of it. As I was explaining this to her, I used the awesome google machine to find a hospital that was close and to read some reviews. I found two. One in Greeley, Colorado and one in Fort Collins, Colorado. Neither had good reviews so I went with the best which I believe scored a 2.7 out of 5 stars. Not great but better than the other and we were in crisis.
I finally got her convinced to get in the pickup and started driving to Fort Collins. She was still convinced and insistent that she talk to her mother. Manda called her and two minutes into the conversation Manda hangs up. Of course, her mom called her back, but Manda refused to answer so her mother began to call me. I spoke to her and told her what was going on the best I could and that I would keep her updated. I also somehow managed to text my boss just three hours before I was supposed to be on location that “I’m not coming to work tonight, and I will explain later.” Thankfully he is a wonderfully understanding man.
I got her to the hospital, and I had to then convince her to get out of the vehicle and go in. I spent ten minutes or more just getting her out of the pickup. I FINALLY get her to the front door, and I approached the lady at the front door to inform her what is going on. “Sorry we do not have a crisis team here…” At this point I am FUCKING pissed. It just took a lot of talking to get her in there and they couldn’t and wouldn’t help. We were told to go to the ER across the street to get a crisis team.
I drove her around the block down to the ER. I explained to them everything that was going on and I had to convince Manda that they were going to help and not hurt her. I didn’t know at the time I was lying to her. I thought they were going to help her. It was a medical hospital and she had to sign paperwork for them to see her which she was very reluctant to do. The ER took really good care of her. They got her pain under control and her anxiety. They said a coordinator needed to see her and they could do it through webcam, or she would have to wait several hours for them to get free and come evaluate her in person.
Manda opted for the webcam, so she didn’t have to wait in the ER for hours longer. She talked to Kriston and Manda was assured everything would be good. Manda felt good about going in, finally. I even had Kriston call my phone and leave a message for me. I was impressed that she was communicating with me. I had to leave the hospital at this point to get our children. Manda wanted me to call Kriston back and make sure they were going to take care of her pain in the hospital. I called Kriston on my way home just to double check and when I did get hold of her, she acted shocked that I would even call to check on that. She told me that she had assured Manda that they would take care of it and I should not worry about it. I found her extremely rude and very short with me, but I just said okay.
I went home and had to explain to my children what was going on with mommy and then I took them out to supper to try and make it easier or give them a little joy in such a shit situation.
Little did we know how bad this was going to get…