Written by: Seahorse 8
I was a 23-year-old student at Nova Scotia College of Art and Design in Halifax in 1988 when two friends and I attended a summer long French immersion program in Montreal. While there I went to the students lounge, Cafe Campus, with my friend when I was invited outside for a puff. I had not even finished my first drink. I was raped.
When I went to the mental health system for help, I was put on antidepressants. I experienced hypomania (excessive excitement or enthusiasm) due to the medication. I was then diagnosed with Bipolar disorder and prescribed a litany of medications; lithium, then antipsychotics, combined with mood stabilizers, anti-depressants, benzodiazepines, and even at one-point blood pressure medication propranolol.
I was hospitalized repeatedly over the years for depression. While in hospital I was treated with ECT repeatedly without ever being informed or even consulted. I remember waking up after an ECT treatment, we were lined up like domino's on stretchers. I was confused and upset. I had peed myself because of the grand mal seizure of the ECT. The nurse came over to me and I told her. She said, “well maybe you should have peed before you came.” As if someone had told me that I was going to experience neural flat line and a grand mal seizure. Not!
In 2010 when I was promoted in my position at a woman’s shelter and I started experiencing exasperating symptoms of PTSD, disassociation, etc. I was hospitalized against my will and when I tried to refuse medication, I was taken to a T.Q. room (Therapeutic Quiet); a cinder block closet. I was stripped and injected with paliperidone, by the staff who left me there until the next day. I have NEVER been violent and while they were assaulting me, they told me, "take the medication and avoid the humiliation.”
I remember getting up from the movie theater and walking through the mall and into a luggage shop. I remember walking out with a purse on each shoulder. Mall security stopped me and immediately asked me if I was on medications. I rattled off the list I was on and he told me to go home and stay there.
There were many transient psychoses like that over the years. There was also a horrible internal restlessness; severe akathisia when I was on the shot.
I can only describe it like looking through a telescope while you're sleepwalking.
The injection became permanent. I lost my job, home, and gave up my rights to a student loan. I withdrew from my volunteer work and lost my relationship with my daughter. My mind was so damaged that I could read words but could not comprehend sentences and spoke with long pauses between words. I never thought to brush my teeth. I remember not even turning the lights on in the bathroom when I brushed my hair. I gained over 90 lbs. I became incontinent. Then I developed Neuroleptic Malignant Syndrome. This is extremely painful and causes your muscles seize. Your heart is a muscle; it was life threatening. I began to realize how much the medication was affecting me. After almost three decades I finally started therapy with a social worker. I started questioning. I started questioning my diagnosis when they informed me that I now had Bipolar Schizoaffective disorder; I knew in my heart that was not right.
I decided that nothing was as bad as the medication and started to wean myself off. Because my psychiatrist would not even look at my history and refused to even decrease my medication; I had to do it secretly. I had started skills therapy with a social worker but because of the withdrawal symptoms it was decided that I be put back on medication. I pleaded with my psychiatrist and then I lied to my psychiatrist and told them that I had gotten into street drugs and that was the issue so I could avoid the shot.
I withdrew from therapy and attempted to inform my Psychiatrist. She had no idea of the work that I had done with my therapist. She had not even looked at her notes in over a year and was letting my G.P. get the kickbacks for writing my prescriptions as my previous psychiatrist did. I was in psychiatric palliative care. I changed my address and informed her by phone that I had been depression free for 9 months and she wanted to get my old files so that I could prove that I didn't have it. My good health wasn't enough! The audacity!
There are no blood tests for depression, bipolar, schizophrenia, etc. because there's no organic cause. They turned PTSD into Bipolar Schizoaffective disorder?! I can't return to therapy because of the trauma from the mental health system. I don't have safe access to healthcare because of the nature of my disability. It is a human rights issue. I have the right to euthanasia, abortion, and equality in other areas but because I am a mental health consumer; I do not have the right to refuse life threatening treatments. It is discrimination against people with those disabilities and it's being done in ignorance. I have the right to safe healthcare services without torture under the Canadian constitution, but healthcare policy is determined by each province even though it is a federal human rights violation.
I had started to research the experiences I had, had to endure. I came across the research, books, and lectures of Professor Peter Gøtzsche. He has written such books as ‘Deadly Medicines and Organized Crime’ and ‘Deadly Psychiatry and Organized Denial’ and his lectures are available on YouTube the following link will take you to a lecture where he dives in deep to show his professional opinion using evidence-based medicine. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RyHQRxQGBhI&fbclid=IwAR13fd8cKTPvGZxputZsrzLBCJEZfQvC3i5RuqgqANrGIcUKqlS79mDM5Yg
I also encourage you to check out http://www.deadlymedicines.dk/ that offers resources, books recommendations, blogs, and lectures.
I also follow the work of Dr. Peter Breggin who talks at length about the dangers of ECT, the following link will take you to his website where you can read about his findings and research. https://breggin.com/ect-resources-center/?fbclid=IwAR3CHqfFv7hOApvoJnfzl3SWXYrG5CUsQnzkMknXPIHG1RNghFQeP3f1TYw
At one point I was an A student, now I have cognitive disabilities. I use DBT (dialectical behavior therapy) skills now. I have been medication free for two years now. I have real joy and hope now. There's new research information on psychiatric medications. Professor Peter Gøtzsche, formally of the Cochrane Medical Research Institute in Denmark among others give public lectures and they are accessible on YouTube. There is a new wave of awareness and it's going to save lives.
Editor’s note: In an article published by sciencemag.org and written by Martin Enserink; Dr. Gøtzsche discusses his expulsion from the institute. "As most people know, much of my work is not very favorable to the financial interests of the pharmaceutical industry," Gøtzsche said in his statement. "Because of this Cochrane has faced pressure, criticism, and complaints. My expulsion is one of the results of these campaigns." Gøtzsche says he does not have "a personal issue" with Cochrane CEO Mark Wilson but says many of the problems have gotten worse since Wilson arrived in 2012. Full article at https://www.sciencemag.org/news/2018/09/evidence-based-medicine-group-turmoil-after-expulsion-co-founder
Edited by: Manda Jones